When Good Advice Makes Things Worse: A Life Coach's Perspective

I have THE most caring, loving, helpful friends (and family, for that matter). You probably do, too. They have the best of intentions. When you’re down, they try to lift you up. When you have a problem, they’re quick to offer a solution. When you’re facing indecision, they’ll share a suggestion—or sometimes, five.

And honestly, that’s one of the gifts of friendship. We rely on each other. We want to feel supported and connected. When I sit with a friend who’s struggling, my heart aches to help. But here’s the thing: while advice can sometimes be useful, it can also leave us more confused than before.

As a coach, I’m often of two minds in these situations: do I offer my thoughts as a friend, or do I put on my coaching hat and let them come to their own conclusions? You see, the role of a coach is not to guide, instruct, or preach—it’s to partner. The coach brings the curiosity, the client brings the answers. That’s the biggest difference.

Let me share a story that shows what I mean.

A Coffee Shop Conversation

A while back, I was sitting with friends at a coffee shop. One of them, let’s call her Sarah, was wrestling with a decision: should she stay in her current job, which was stable but draining, or take a risk on a new opportunity that excited her but also terrified her?

Immediately, my other friends jumped in with advice:

• “Take the new job! You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

• “No, no—don’t! What if it doesn’t work out?”

• “Maybe just wait six months until things settle down in your life and look for something else.”

Within five minutes, Sarah had three different directions to consider—and you could see her face tighten with even more stress. She said, “I don’t even know what I want anymore.”

That’s the thing about advice: it usually reflects what the advice-giver would do, not what you would do. Ask three people, get three opinions—and none of them might be right for you.

How Coaching Would Look Different

If Sarah had been sitting with me in a coaching session instead of over lattes with friends, the conversation would have been very different. Instead of handing her a list of possible moves, I would have slowed everything down and gotten curious.

I might have asked:

• “When you imagine yourself in the new role, what excites you most?”

• “What do you feel in your body when you think about staying where you are?”

• “What values of yours are in play here? Which choice feels more aligned with those values?”

• “If fear wasn’t part of the equation, what would you choose?”

Notice the difference? Instead of handing her my roadmap, I’d be helping her uncover hers.

And here’s the magic of coaching: when clients arrive at their own insights, the solution fits. It sticks. It feels authentic. It isn’t about what I—or their well-meaning friends—think is “best.” It’s about what’s truly right for them.

Friends Mean Well, Coaches Are Trained

I want to pause here and say: your friends’ advice comes from love. Mine do it, too. They want to help, and sometimes that’s exactly what you need—a pep talk, a distraction, a reminder you’re not alone.

But here’s where coaching is different:

• Training and Experience. Coaches are trained to listen deeply, to hear not just the words but the pauses, the patterns, the beliefs underneath. We’ve studied human behavior, change, motivation, and how to ask questions that move you forward.

• No Agenda. Friends often (without realizing it) want you to do what makes sense to them. Coaches have no stake in your decision. We hold space for you to figure out what’s right for you.

• Partnership, Not Prescription. Coaching isn’t about telling you what to do. It’s about creating an environment where you can think clearly, explore possibilities, and commit to your next steps with confidence.

• Structure and Accountability. Friends will cheer you on, but a coach will also help you set goals, track progress, and hold you accountable in a compassionate way.

Think of it this way: friends are wonderful co-pilots who keep you company on the road trip. A coach is the person who helps you build the map, check the fuel, and decide where you actually want to go.

Sitting With Emotions

Sometimes, the best thing we can do isn’t to offer advice at all. It’s to sit with the person, let them feel what they’re feeling, and resist the urge to fix. The only way out is through.

In coaching, we make room for that. If you’re grieving, doubting, or just plain exhausted, I won’t rush you to a tidy solution. Instead, I’ll help you notice what’s really going on, honor your emotions, and uncover the deeper wisdom in them. Because usually, there’s something underneath the surface waiting to be seen.

Why Coaching Works

I’ve seen clients come into sessions knotted up with confusion and leave with surprising clarity—not because I told them what to do, but because they tapped into their own inner knowing.

Many clients have said something along the lines of, “I don’t know how you did it, but I just heard myself say out loud exactly what I needed.” That’s coaching. It’s holding up a mirror so you can see yourself more clearly.

Advice is external. Coaching is internal. Advice says, “Here’s my answer.” Coaching asks, “What’s your truth?”

So…Should You Take Your Friends’ Advice?

The answer is: sometimes. Sometimes a friend has walked the road before you and their perspective helps. Sometimes their encouragement is exactly what you need.

But when you feel stuck, overwhelmed by conflicting advice, or unsure whose voice to trust, that’s a sign it may be time for coaching. A friend can empathize with you. A coach can help transform you.

An Invitation

If you’re at a crossroads right now—whether in your career, your health, your relationships, or just your sense of self—consider what it would be like to explore it with someone trained to ask the questions that unlock your answers.

I’d love to offer you a discovery call. It’s a chance to experience coaching for yourself, no pressure, no obligation. Just a conversation to see what clarity might open up for you.

Because at the end of the day, your life deserves more than borrowed advice. It deserves your own voice, your own wisdom, your own path forward. And that’s what coaching is all about.